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Sunday, July 8th, 2007
10:40 pm - my life sucks

<font color=green><b><h1>man, my life couldn't get any more lame.

all i do all day is play on the internet and chat with guys i don't know. i'm so lame i have no life.

i should be getting one and taking care of my son. but nope. i can't do that for fear i'd royally fuck his head up than it already is.

god im so fat and lazy.

someone help!

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
6:21 am

Just reminds me of him... and the way no matter how many years and miles apart,
he's still that something which catches my breath and makes my heart skip a beat.



current mood: lovesick, still.

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
4:51 am
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little better pics.

and i got muh heart broken.

current mood: distressed

(offend me.)

Friday, March 24th, 2006
11:19 pm - JamisonParker lyrics.. love 'em.
its the nightlife that gets them off
so desperately they wait for the excuse of love
we live like vampires
and we love like killers
we all die like infants
and we trust like mirrors
its the smoke and the drinks
and the smiles it that brings
its the pain and the sex
disguised as innocence

slow suicide like it or not
its what we do

its the love of guilt that forms the habit
of being dramatically overdramatic
we live like vampires
and we love like killers
we all die like infants
and we trust like mirrors
its the smoke and the drinks
and the smiles that it brings
its the pain and the sex
disguised as innocence

its a desperate place for desperate people
to find their place before desperate heroes
a desperate place...so desperate...

slow suicide like it or not
its what we do
slow suicide like it or not
its what we do

the songs they sing are in the key
of the illusion of pain and its irony
in the midst of lust
and dropping names
the drugs, they numb
and they keep us sane

slow suicide
like it or not
its what we do

current mood: curious

(offend me.)

Friday, March 17th, 2006
5:06 am - "mal-adjusted, just untrusted, rusted, sometimes brilliant, busted thoughts"
i haven't slept this entire week.
i'm calling it a self control fasting.
i wonder if it would be easier to break my fingers
than my addictions.
i played DA rpg for nine hours straight tuesday.
i broke up with cory.
i drew the arch on my sidewalk with charcoal.
i'm not an alcoholic anymore.
i thought it would be easier to walk in your shoes.
i also ate 11 red pixi stix tonight.
my hair is in stage one of a beautiful transformation.
i cried when i watched the news yesterday.
i alphabetized my book shelf.
and then i wrote a haiku about buttons.

current mood: restless

(1 failed. | offend me.)

4:54 am - The Calendar Hung Itself S2
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning
when you start to raise your head?
And does he sing to you, incessantly,
from the space between your bed and wall?
Does he walk around all day at school,
with his feet inside your shoes?
Looking down every few steps
to pretend he walks with you?
Oh, Does he know that place below your neck
that's your favorite to be touched?
And does he cry through broken sentences like,
"I love you far too much"?

Does he lay awake listening to your breath?
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes?
Is he coughing now?
On a bathroom floor?
For every speck of tile
There's a thousand more
You won’t ever see
But most hold inside yourself
Eternally

Well, I drug your ghost across the country
And we plotted out my death
In every city, memories would whisper,
"Here is where you rest."

I was determined in Chicago
But I dug my teeth into my knees
And I settled for a telephone
Sang into your machine,

"You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine."

And I kissed a girl with a broken jaw
That her father gave to her
She had eyes bright enough to burn me ;
They reminded me of yours
And in a story told, she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
And there were rows of ripe tomatoes, where a secret was concealed
And it rose like thunder
Clapped under our hands
And it stretched for centuries
To a diary entry’s end
Where I wrote,

"You make me happy,
Oh, when skies are gray.
You make me happy
Oh, when skies are gray, and gray, and gray."

Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open chest
With its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself
But I will not weep
For those dying days
For all the ones who've left
There's a few that stayed
And they found me here
And pulled me from the grass
Where I was laid


current mood: in love.

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Sunday, March 12th, 2006
2:11 pm
I will afternoon in the evening with the big spenders at the local bar.
And when they say I'm pretty, I will flip my hair and pretend I don't know what's going on.
When they grab their keys and check their wallets to see if they have enough for a room,
I will slip a pill into their drink and tell them to finish up.




Because I'm such a clever girl.


current mood: i wanna fingerpaint

(offend me.)

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
3:17 pm
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muh mommah's got skills and muh chase is hawt.


current mood: awwww

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Sunday, March 5th, 2006
6:59 pm - it's so quiet for once...
i'm ready for warm nights.
i wanna sit on muh porch swing
and listen to pretty songs
and drink vodka from the five dollah bottle at schmick's
and just breathe...
doesn't that sound nice?
i think so. ♥


current mood: just a thought....

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Monday, February 27th, 2006
2:27 am - Immersed Universe
Who could dream of a universe so divine
But submerged and lost, in time
Created by motion
And imprinted with emotion
Yet no one had the slightest notion
Drawn concave by gravity
Swayed along in silent harmony
 
Grieving soul precipitation
Carried through with trepidation
Culminating the ultimate seperation
A dream from which I'm truly shaken
A planet immersed from this invasion
A backstabbing and treacherous liason
Reversing time and its creation
 
Evaporating this existance
In one blistering and final instant.


current mood: im thinking bad things.

(offend me.)

Friday, February 24th, 2006
2:04 pm
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my journal...


current mood: v.o.d.e.k.a.

(1 failed. | offend me.)

Sunday, February 12th, 2006
4:02 pm - ahh. small town drama...
Well, last night was more than amusing, and yet another spectator's front lawn sport... as a car full of girls stopped by to visit me and ash... (underaged drinkers, wannabe gangsters, and the all around misguided youth) attempting to intimidate us... by gettin out, smashing beer bottles around and waving fists. But let me tell you, the assault charges were more than worth it. :)


(play that Queen song, you)we are the champions, my friend... and we'll keep on fighting until the end..


current mood: infuriated

(offend me.)

Monday, January 30th, 2006
7:04 pm

CHASE IS 3 TODAY!











Who has myspace?

Gimme your IDs now. Please.

I wanna looky.



current mood: what is "quixotic"?

(2 failed. | offend me.)

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
7:47 am

Well, I've been telling myself I was going to get a job for about the last five months (which have been doused in vodka and long since blacked out)... I got an interview at Best Western and start tomorrow. I figure anything's better than fast food and it'll hopefully keep me out of trouble. I'm in the process of moving (again) and should have a new comp hooked up and running by next week.

Damn... Writing about my life is boring. Maybe that's why I never did it before. Or maybe it's because I live in Nebraska.

I've been vandalizing signs with spelling errors... But that's about as fun as it gets... Besides the things I mostly don't remember.. Or would never tell. Heh.

Have fun, kids... And don't be safe.



current mood: happeh, i guess...

(offend me.)

Saturday, January 21st, 2006
9:23 pm - drunken and broken
But I mastered the fly-from-a-moving-vehicle-superman-dive. <3

(2 failed. | offend me.)

Thursday, January 12th, 2006
4:43 pm
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So... I'm having all kinds of fun.. Process of moving, (you know the drill)... So decorating my bedroom turned out to be a mildly amusing feat. Josh walks in and says, "Only you can possibly provide an explanation as to why you have a Marilyn Manson poster next to a print of The Last Supper". (Dali painting...) Not too much happening. I'm in love with my porch swing<3<3<3
Cory and I are having great fun. He settled on the eighteenth (Ironic, I think)..




current mood: flirty

(offend me.)

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
3:45 am

So, getting back to life and things... Met this really amazing guy named Cory.. We'll see where that goes. Finally got all the jail shit taken care of. :) Got a pretty funny call out of the blue last night... A drunk and happy Greg, haha. Hadn't talked to him in a while.

All around, things are pretty good... Should be makin my next trip back to good, old STL around the end of January. Joe, I saw your rediculous, jealousy-driven comment. Good for you. Stop calling me if you're sooo damn happy. Why don't you go practice that talk in the mirror, hun?

Let's see, what else? Damn.. New Years'... I broke my knuckle on a girl's face. Not my fault, of course; they tried to double team me and pussy fight. That was great. Almost got a 40 oz bottle smashed on my head.. Hmm. Is that a reflection of my personality??

Tonight was fun.. Spent some great small-town fun on main street.. Flashing hot guys and the sort.. Hahah... Haven't done that one in quite a while. I missed crazy friends. Climbed the water tower, too. It was cold.

Well, I guess that's about as much an update as you're getting for now... Which is the most I've ever written about my personal life on here.. Ha. Wonder why... ^gag me.

 



current mood: cause im so cool

(offend me.)

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
8:19 am - this my post-joe favorite band

A Poetic Retelling Of An Unfortunate Seduction
by Bright Eyes

Album : Letting off the Happiness

"The language in the dimmer rooms
Seems to represent the light source well
How soft they speak and seem to be at peace
With the movement of the music and the madness
That is pulling me into this
And the shades of the lamps are woven red
The light, it stains and consecrates
Anointing all forgotten forms
That swirl and smoke and haunt this place
The girls in gowns all nurse the dark
Pulling it near to their swelling breasts
And watch as it seeps to their hearts
And beats within their virgin chests
And here I know seduction breeds
From wanton hearts that would seduce
And grows and spreads its vine and leaves
Embracing those who might have moved
But now remain to drink the night
From vials black and thick with steam
Such intoxicating delights
That leave you drunk inside this dream
And you watch them take the light from you
And you find yourself
On a velvet couch
Tasting the skin of a foreign girl
Her eyes are black
And wet like oil
And she ties your hands with a string of pearls
And you tremble like a frightened bird
As she closes in and captures you
To place you in the silver cage
Deep within her poisoned womb
And once you're safe inside
She might let you out to fly
In the circles around the room
But it's always night
And there is no moon
And you wonder if you are alive
And you’re not sure if you want to be
But you drank her sweat like it was wine
And you lay with her on a bed of blue
And it's awful sweet
Like the fruit she cuts and feeds to you"

(2 failed. | offend me.)

Sunday, December 25th, 2005
11:04 pm - merry xxx-mas




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current mood: nah nah nah nah nah

(offend me.)

Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
2:02 pm
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"breaking
hearts
has
never
looked
so
cool."


current mood: cynical

(6 failed. | offend me.)

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